In this episode of Better Physician Life, Dr. Michael Hersh challenges the invisible rules that shape how doctors see themselves. What if the idea of being a “good doctor” is no longer serving you? This episode explores how to question the old story, reclaim your identity, and give yourself permission to want more.
Dr. Michael Hersh gets honest about the silent rules many physicians live by: always be available, always stay clinical, never stray from the traditional path. But what happens when those rules begin to feel like a cage rather than a calling?
Through personal stories, reflective exercises, and heartfelt insight, Dr. Hersh invites listeners to examine the story they've inherited about what it means to be a “good doctor.” He explores how fear, guilt, and outdated expectations can stifle creativity and authenticity and how shifting that story opens the door to purpose, possibility, and a more human version of success.
Whether you’ve felt hesitant to try something new, questioned your worth outside of clinical practice, or are simply wondering what else might be possible, this episode offers a compassionate, courageous starting point.
Created for physicians who want more than clinical competence, Better Physician Life is a space for honest reflection, reinvention, and reclaiming purpose beyond the pager. Hosted by Dr. Michael Hersh, each episode dives into the questions we didn’t learn to ask in training, offering tools and conversations to help you live and lead with intention.
Dr. Michael Hersh is a full-time practicing gastroenterologist, husband, father, podcaster, and physician coach at Better Physician Life Coaching. He helps physicians rediscover joy and balance by setting meaningful goals, managing stress, and feeling more present at home and less annoyed and frustrated at work.
His mission is to help doctors who feel stuck in medicine create a more fulfilling life that they actually enjoy living. Through coaching and conversation, he empowers physicians to reconnect with their purpose and design a career (and life) they love.
Dr. Hersh is also the creator and host of the Better Physician Life podcast: How to Get Unstuck in Your Medical Career—a show for doctors who feel out of sync or stuck, and want to explore what true success can look like beyond the exam room.
🔗 Connect with Dr. Hersh:
🌐 Website: www.betterphysicianlife.com
🔗 LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/michael-hersh-md
📸 Instagram: @betterphysicianlife
📺 YouTube: @betterphysicianlife
📘 Facebook: facebook.com/betterphysicianlifecoaching
📱TikTok: @betterphysicianlife
Transcript: Episode 4
Michael Hersh, MD
[00:00:00] Have you ever stopped yourself from doing something you really wanted to do because of the thought, “I'm a good doctor. I can't do that. Good doctors don't do things like that”?
What if that thought isn't keeping you safe? What if it's keeping you stuck?
Welcome back to Better Physician Life. I'm Dr. Michael Hersh, and I'm so glad you're here with me today. Today, we are diving into a question that rarely gets airtime, but shapes everything we have in our lives—from the way we work to the way we live.
What does it mean to be a good doctor? And what if the life you really want doesn't fit inside that definition? Let's dive in.
[00:01:00] So let's be honest. Most of us know that voice—the one that shows up not with facts about how things truly are, but with fear. The kind of fear that whispers the rules in the background, even when no one said them out loud.
Maybe you've been thinking about starting something new. Maybe a side project, a new business, exploring a new hobby, relearning that foreign language you haven't studied since college, creating a pickleball team—really, anything.
Or maybe just finding time for that much-needed break. Just a time to pause and relax.
Just as that thought starts to take shape, the voice in your head kicks in: “A good doctor doesn't do that. A good doctor stays in their lane, goes to clinic, finishes their charting, maybe a little CME on the side.”
That's what we signed up for, right?
[00:02:00] I remember the first time I even considered writing a blog and publicly sharing my thoughts about coaching and burnout and being a doctor and medicine in general. Not publishing research. Not presenting at a conference. Just writing down my thoughts and allowing other people to hear—well, read—what I was thinking. Speaking honestly.
And the feeling that came up for me wasn't pride. It wasn't possibility. It wasn't about what I could create. It was fear. Pure fear.
What if my colleagues saw this? What if my patients read this? Will I lose credibility? Will I get in trouble? Will I be completely dismissed and undo all of the hard work I've put into getting to this point in my life?
“Oh, he's not really serious about medicine anymore.”
What if people question my commitment to medicine? What if I failed publicly?
What would they say about me?
[00:03:00] And maybe you've had those same thoughts. Maybe you've wondered quietly, “Am I even allowed to want something different?” If you have, you are not alone.
So let's pause here. Not to fix anything. Just to kind of get curious: Where did the story of the good doctor even come from?
Because it's not just you. And it's certainly not just me. This story is baked in from day one of training—maybe even earlier.
We learn that a good doctor is tireless, self-sacrificing, always available, calm under pressure, devoted even to the point of depletion. Make that total and utter exhaustion.
And sure, there's some value in creating those ideals. They set high standards for the profession. They keep us accountable to something bigger than ourselves.
[00:04:00] But we can't ignore the cost. That same story, when told over and over, becomes a cage. It narrows our definition of success. It leaves little space for things like rest, and play, and uncertainty—for being a full human being.
And after a while, it doesn't just shape how others see us. It starts to shape how we see ourselves.
So when a new idea pops up—when we feel that surge of excitement about trying something new—those thoughts about being a good doctor act like a wet blanket on the initial spark.
We shrink. We second-guess. We even feel guilty for wanting something more.
But let's ask the deeper question: Is any of that actually true?
Who decides what a good doctor can or can’t have—or what they’re allowed to want? Who said you can't take a risk or even fail and still be deeply committed to medicine? Who wrote the rulebook? And why do we keep following it?
[00:05:00] Okay, before we can change, we first have to understand what it costs to hold onto that old story. Because if you've ever felt stuck, or restless, or like you're living someone else's version of success, that story may be part of what's keeping you there.
That inner script—good doctors don't do that—doesn't just discourage experimentation. It discourages authenticity. It silences the parts of us that are curious and creative and fully alive.
And sure, there is risk in stepping off the familiar path that we all know. There's risk of judgment, risk of looking unsure, risk of trying something new and not getting it right the first time.
[00:06:00] But there's another risk that we don't talk about as often: the risk of regret.
Of looking back at your life and wondering what else might have been possible if you'd just let yourself try. Who might you have become if you hadn't held so tightly to a story that no longer fit your life?
Here's what I've started to believe:
Being a good doctor isn't about how narrowly you can walk the line. It's about how you live your values. How curious you are—about yourself, your patients, the world. How connected you stay—to meaning, to people, to your own sense of self.
It's about authenticity.
A fulfilled physician isn't a distracted one. We're more present. More grounded. More able to show up with real empathy—for our patients, for our families, and for ourselves.
[00:07:00] Because when you're not constantly suppressing who you are, you bring more of yourself to everything you do. So maybe—just maybe—redefining what it means to be a good doctor isn't selfish. Maybe it's medicine. Real medicine. For you, for your patients, for everyone around you.
Now the question comes up: How do we begin to loosen our grip on that old story?
Not by throwing everything out or making some dramatic leap. It usually starts with a question.
What is the version of “good doctor” you've been carrying around? Who handed it to you? Is it still serving you, or is it just keeping you safe?
[00:08:00] And then begin to get really curious: What else might be possible for me?
What would it feel like to explore something new—no shame or self-judgment? Just allowing myself to explore the other things I really want to do.
What might my life look like a year from now if I took one small, brave step today?
Here's one exercise I've found really powerful:
Take a blank piece of paper—or type it in your phone if that's more your style—and write down some of the silent rules you've been living by. Your “I am” and “I am not” statements.
I am a doctor, so I can't sell.
I am not a business person, so I can't charge cash.
I am supposed to stay clinical, so I shouldn't branch out.
Then swap the “I” for “you”:
You can't do that—you’re a doctor. You’re not allowed to step outside that lane. You should know better.
[00:09:00] Now pause. Whose voice is that? Is it a mentor? A parent? A program director? A colleague? Broader medical culture? Or some random person in a highly policed Facebook group that’s supposed to be supporting physicians, but actually just reinforces these same narratives?
Because so often, the rules we think we chose are really just stories we were handed.
We inherited them and chose not to question them—or better yet, rewrite them altogether.
But when you name them—really name them—it’s easier to start letting go.
To see them not as absolute truths, but as options. Old stories that you can outgrow.
And that’s where things really begin to shift.
Because once you start seeing those inherited stories for what they are, you begin to imagine new ones.
[00:10:00] Because once you start seeing those inherited stories for what they are, you begin to imagine new ones. But we also have to be honest here—that path outside the traditional box? It's not always neat. Medical education and training are linear, clear, and planned out. But life? Life is murky.
Sometimes it feels like you're making it up as you go—because, well, you are.
There's no blueprint for building a life that fits you. No CME module on curiosity. No certification for alignment.
That can feel challenging and uncomfortable. But here's the thing—you don't have to figure it out alone.
Find other people who are asking the same questions. Not people who have it all figured out—maybe just people who are a few steps ahead.
People who support your curiosity, not just your credentials.
[00:11:00] Because we all stumble. We all fail. But in the right community, failure isn't proof you don't belong—it's proof you're growing. It means you're experimenting. It means you're alive.
And here's what I hope you'll remember most and take away from this episode:
Doctors are some of the most driven, resilient, and capable people I know. We push ourselves harder than most.
The thing that holds us back? It's not a lack of effort. It's that lingering voice that asks:
Should I? Am I allowed to?
And maybe what we need now isn't more discipline or effort or perseverance.
Maybe it's more permission.
[00:12:00] Permission to evolve. Permission to want more. Permission to be authentic. Permission to be more than our doctor identity—to be a whole person. Because you are not just one thing. And you never were. And if the stories you've been living by don't reflect who you are, then maybe it's time to start writing some new ones.
Let's talk about one of the biggest stories of all that doctors tell themselves: it's about contribution. For a long time, I thought being a good doctor meant walking one very specific path—clinical work, academic achievement, traditional milestones. So when I left academic medicine after fellowship for a 100% clinical job, it didn't just feel like a job change. It felt like a loss. A kind of grief. Wondering if I was still a real doctor. Or if I had just become the butt of one of those “outside hospital transfer” jokes we had gotten so used to telling in fellowship.
I wondered, Am I still doing enough?
[00:13:00] But good doctors are curious. We ask questions. We experiment. We grow.
And that doesn't stop at the edge of clinical practice. In fact, it shouldn't.
Because the same skills we use in medicine—problem solving, communication, empathy, pattern recognition—those skills translate.
They serve us in business, in advocacy, in writing, in coaching, in leading.
Stepping into those spaces doesn't take away from medicine. It adds to it.
It gives us perspective. It gives us staying power. It reminds us why we started in the first place.
When I started my business, I had the same doubts:
Who am I to be doing this?
Will anyone care?
Is this still “doctor enough”?
[00:14:00] But the impact I've been able to make—the conversations I've had, the physicians I've been able to support—that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't tried.
If I hadn’t, I know that question would still be there: What if?
I don't think anyone gets to the end of their life wishing they'd tried fewer things.
We didn’t become doctors by playing it safe.
At one point, every single one of us was stretching, fumbling, learning something new every single day.
But we lose that somewhere along the way.
But it's never too late to get it back.
So how do you start to move forward?
How do you begin to redefine what it means to be a good doctor on your own terms?
It doesn't require a full reinvention—just a willingness to look a little more closely.
Start by naming the story you're telling yourself.
Write down what you think a good doctor is supposed to be.
Where did that definition come from?
And is it still serving you?
Then challenge the voice.
The next time you catch yourself thinking, Good doctors don’t do that, pause and ask yourself, Is that true?
Are there good doctors who would do something like that?
Whose voice is that really?
And if it’s not yours, do you want to keep living by it?
I’ll bring you back to that exercise I mentioned earlier.
Write out your “I am” and “I’m not” statements:
I’m a doctor, so I can’t do that.
Then swap the “I” for “you”:
You can’t do that—you’re a doctor.
Notice when one starts to feel false.
Where do you begin to challenge the statement?
That’s where the work—and the freedom—begins.
Then take one small step.
[00:16:00] What’s something you’ve been quietly curious about?
Not ready to overhaul your life—just ready to explore.
Sign up for the thing. Start the journal. Ask the question. Test the waters.
Find your people.
Other physicians are walking this exact path, asking the same questions.
You don’t have to do this alone.
And remember—contribution isn't limited to your clinic, or the research lab, or the latest journal publication.
You can still care deeply about patients and also want to teach, to write, to build, to lead.
We're more than just one thing.
We always were.
And above all, give yourself permission to evolve.
Because maybe being a good doctor isn’t just about how well you fit the mold.
[00:17:00] Maybe it’s about how well you live in alignment.
How present you are.
How honest you choose to be—about what you want and how you want to spend your time.
Okay, so let’s bring it home.
Being a good doctor has never been about one right way.
It’s not a job title or a checklist.
It’s not determined by how traditional your path is or how closely it matches someone else’s.
It’s about how you show up.
How you serve.
And whether you’re building a life that reflects who you really are.
I used to think there was just one path.
And when I stepped off that path, I was worried I’d lost something essential.
But what I actually found was space.
Space to ask new questions.
To do meaningful work.
And to reconnect with why I started all this in the first place.
And if I hadn’t taken that step, I know that question—What if?—would still be hanging in the air.
[00:18:00] So if you take nothing else from this episode, let it be this:
You are not just one thing. And you never were.
You’re not betraying anything or anyone by wanting more.
And you’re not selfish for wanting to feel like a whole person.
Redefining what it means to be a good doctor isn’t just possible.
It’s essential.
For our patients. For our profession. And for ourselves.
So—what’s your next step?
What’s one small way you can begin to question, to reflect, and to reimagine what’s possible for you?
Because at the end of the day, you get to decide what kind of doctor—and what kind of human—you want to be.
And you’ll never know… unless you try.
Thank you so much for being here with me today.
If this episode gave you a little room to breathe, to reflect, or to reimagine, share it with someone who might need it.
And maybe—just maybe—take a quiet moment to consider your definition of what it means to be a good doctor.
Take care, and I’ll see you next time on Better Physician Life.
Bye.